lawyer jokes

At a party of professionals, a doctor was having difficulty socializing. Everyone wanted to describe their symptoms and get an opinion about diagnosis. The doctor turned to a lawyer acquaintance and asked, "How do you handle people who want advice outside of the office?"

"Simple," answered the lawyer, "I send them a bill. That stops it."

The next day, the doctor, still feeling a bit reserved about what he had just finished doing, opened his mailbox to send out the bills. Much to his surprise, there sat a bill from the lawyer.

A lawyer phones the governor’s mansion shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the governor, it’s an emergency!” exclaims the lawyer.

The governor’s assistant wakes the governor and hands him the phone. “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?” grumbles the governor.

“Judge Pierson just died, and I want to take his place,” begs the attorney.

“Well, it’s okay with me if it’s okay with the undertaker,” replies the governor.

A mother and a daughter are visiting a deceased family member in a graveyard. On the way out the daughter asks why they bury two people in one grave. The mother asks her daughter why she says that and the daughter replies, "Well, that gravestone says 'Here lays a lawyer and an honest man.'"

An attorney ran over to the office of his client. “I can’t believe it!” said the angered attorney. “You sent a case of Dom Perignon to the judge in our case? That judge is as straight as an arrow. Now we’re certain to lose this case!” “Relax,” said the client, “I sent it in the prosecutor’s name.”