puns jokes

What is the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?

For the bird flu you get tweetment and for the swine flu you receive oinkment.

At school one morning the teacher asked little Johnny what he had for breakfast.

Little Johnny said, well, on my way to school I come cross this Apple tree, so I climbed up there and started eating apples.

I guess I eat about six, said little Johnny.

No, said the teacher, it’s ate! Little Johnny said well it could've been eight I don't remember.

Two strings walk into a bar.

The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.

The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.

"Yeah," the string says. "Aren't you a string?" the bartender asks. "I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.