Best Jokes

A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: “I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities.”

Back came the answer: “Marry a penguin.”

During basic army training, a sergeant was telling his group how a submachine gun sprayed bullets. He drew a circle on a blackboard and announced that it had 260 degree.

“But, sergeant, all circles have 360 degrees,” called out a conscript.

“Don’t be stupid,” the sergeant roared. “This is a small circle.”

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I welcome you into the family!” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory everyday and learn the operation.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.”

At an Italian wedding ceremony, the priest asked the bride, “Do you take Franco Giuseppe-Antonio to be your husband?”
The bride looking very confused said, “father, there is a mistake. I am only marrying Frank.”