Best Jokes

A doctor told his patient after reviewing his x-rays he needed
surgery costing $5000.00. The patient said he only had $500.00 and
what could be done. The doctor said, "Well, I can always touch-up
your x-rays."

The elderly gentleman was obviously enjoying the company of a beautiful young lady in a lively party, when his wife came up to him and said, in an unnecessarily loud voice, " Honey I hope you are not boring the poor child with anecdotes about your latest grandchild!"

Guy going home from the pub is stopped at a police checkpoint. A bobby comes over and tells the driver to roll down his window. When he does, the copper is almost knocked over with the smell of alcohol. So he asks: "Have you been drinking, suuur?" (as English cops are wont to say). "Yes", replies the driver. "What did you have exactly, suuuur"? "Well, about seven or eight pints of Guinness, a couple of whiskies, and then one or two night caps in the form of double brandies". The copper pulls out his breathalyzer and says, "Would you mind blowing into this, suuur"? To which the drunk dude retorts: "What for? Do you not believe me?"

Two men (Mr. A & Mr. B) came out from a pup drunk on one windy Saturday night, feeling some cool wind blowing, Mr. A looked up the sky to see if it was going to rain, after looking he told his friend that it wasn't going to rain because he’s spotted a star. When Mr. B raised his head up and looked, this is not a star but a moon he said. This led them to argument if the object was a star or a moon, to ascertain what that object was, they approach another man (Mr. X) already drunk from a different pup as he was on his way home. Mr. A & Mr. B approached this Mr. X in other to resolve this issue once and for all. When Mr. X looked up spending much time looking up into the sky finally he said, well as for me, I’m a stranger in this neighborhood.