Best Jokes

Standing before the judge during an alimony hearing, the man said, “As God is my judge, I do not owe that madwoman money!”
The judge calmly replied, “He isn’t. I am. You do.”

Returning home after a tour of the U.S., an aborigine told his tribes people about the strangest sight he had seen.

“It was called a courtroom,” she said. “And in it one man sat silent, another was talking constantly, and when it was over, twelve people ignored the one who was talking and condemned the man who hadn’t said a word!”

Though he loved the design of his new tie, Harry had no choice but to take it back to the store. When the clerk asked what was wrong with it, Harry said, “To tight.”

Dr. Burns was disgusted when Frank staggered into his office thoroughly inebriated.
He looked at him severely. “What happened, Frank? I thought we were going to lick this problem by cutting you down to just two drinks a day.” Frank dragged a finger across his chest. “Cross my heart, doc, I—I did as you asked.”
“Impossible. If you had, you wouldn’t be in this shape.”
“No, honestly!” Frank replied. “In fact, when I left here the other day. I went to another doctor for a second opinion – and he prescribed the same thing!”