Best Jokes

Marine corporal (at a party): "Do you see that officer over there? He is the meanest egg I have ever seen. He is an ugly sap of an officer."

She: "Do you know who I am? I am that officer's daughter."

Corporal: "Do you know who I am?"

She: "No..."

Corporal: "Good."

Little Johnny's aunt was visiting and going on and on about her husband. "When he went overseas during the last war he carried my picture through every battle."

Little Johnny interrupted her with a question, "Did he use it to scare the enemy off?"

The soldier asked for a furlough so that he might get married. "How long have you known this girl," the sergeant asked.

"A week."

"Why, my lad, that's not long enough. I suggest you wait a couple of months, and then, if you still want to get married I will approve the furlough."

Two months later the soldier was back, reminding the sergeant of his promise.

"So you still want to get married? I didn't think that a young man would stay interested in the same girl for a couple of months."

"I know, sir. But this isn't the same girl."

The arithmetic teacher proposed the following to the class, "If there are three crows on a fence and one is shot, how many would be left?"

After a short time, Little Johnny shouts out, "Two left."

The teachers response, "I'm afraid you don't get the point. Let me repeat the joke. There were three crows on a fence and one is shot, how many would be left?

Johnny replied again, "Two left."

Teacher, "No, none would be left, because when one is shot, the other two would fly away."

Johnny, "That's what I said, TWO LEFT!!!"