Latest Jokes

A guy wants to become a magician so he goes out and buys a magician book. Later he gathers his family around the living room for his first trick. Reading his new book he reaches into a bag and pulls out a hammer and to the amazement of his family hits himself in the head with it. He's unconscious and spends a month in the hospital. Suddenly a nurse notices his eye lids flicker. She calls the family in and they gather around his bed. Just then he sits up in bed awake and says..."TA-DAA"

Q: What did the windmill say when she met her favorite movie star?
A: "Nice to meet you. I'm a BIG FAN!"

At a construction site on the 80th floor of a high rise building, the lone conservative on the crew was having a heated political discussion with the liberals on the project. Deciding to take a break, he called everyone over to the edge of the roof. "Did you know," he began, "that there are extremely violent invisible updrafts that are able to keep a body floating in mid-air? They only occur at certain times during the day between buildings. Here, I'll show you!" He then leaped off the side of the building, and with arms spread-eagle, floated effortlessly on an unseen cushion of air, and then gradually steered himself back to the safety of the roof. "That's awesome," one of the left-wingers shouted. "I want to try it." "Me too," another cried, and then another, and as they leaped over the side of the roof, one after the other, they fell 80 floors straight down to the ground, SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!
A crowd rushed over to witness the carnage, and while doing so, one of the spectators looked up and remarked, "Boy, Clark Kent sure hates liberals!"

If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?
Congress!