Latest Jokes

A speaker at Democratic National Convention asked the audience, "Are you better off now?"
The audience answered in chorus voice, "Yes."
As soon as the loud voice turned silent, a delegate stood up and asked, "How did the GOP get better off?"
The speaker declared, "We all are on the same boat, remember?"
The delegate exasperated, "Yeah, Noah's Ark - animals in couples!"

At a seminar on American Social Justice, a Civil Rights leader opined, "Anti-Americans are killing the better Americans - the likes of Osama-bin-Laden, Bernie Madoff, John Gotti, to name a few - surprising and confusing most Americans."
He further pointed out, "More surprising is the fact that Mob Wives are popular celebrities today."

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says,

"Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

A brain surgeon told a patient “you have a growing mass in your brain, it needs to be tended to immediately or it will kill you"
The patient agreed to surgery the very next day.
Immediately after opening the skull the surgeon took a biopsy of the ugly growing mass and gave it to the surgical nurse with instructions to rush it to the lab and have it analyzed.
After a few minutes the nurse returned with the results and stood silently and grimly in front of the surgeon…. The surgeon finally asked…."WELL IS IT MALIGNANT?"
The nurse replied…" I'm afraid it’s worse" …" WORSE", the surgeon barked, "WHAT CAN BE WORSE THAN MALIGNANT?"
The nurse bowed her head and replied solemnly, "it's Liberal Progressive"…!!!