Latest Jokes

A young apprentice optometrist recently got careless and got his hand caught in the lens grinder. He wasn't seriously hurt, but he certainly made a spectacle of himself.

Two New Yorkers are in Las Vegas gambling, and they win two hundred thousand dollars. One man says to the other, “come on let’s go out and paint the town!” “You know.” Says his friend, “I think this money is New York money. This dough is earmarked for the Big Apple, and I think we should go back there to spend it.” “You’re right,” says the first man. “Let’s go out to the airport right now and catch the first plane back.” “Forget the airport,” says the friend, “let’s just take a limo.” “Forget the limo,” says the first man, and then he yells, “taxi!” A cab pulls up in front of the two men. The friend opens the door and is about to get in when the first man says to him, “Say, where in New York do you live?” “Fifty-ninth Street,” says the friend. The first man then says, “In that case, I had better get in first because I’m getting out at forty-third.”

An old man is talking to his friends. He says, “I’ve got my health, everything is fine, my mind, knock wood… who’s there?

An old man is talking to his friends. He says, “I’ve got my health, everything is fine, my mind, knock wood… who’s there?