Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in California, I was stopped by a state trooper in Kansas for exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.
Later, I was stopped by another trooper. "What have I done?" I asked.
"Nothing," the trooper said, smiling. "I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies."
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter 'F'.
My wife's cooking is so bad...
How bad?
So bad, the flies are taking up a collection to get the screen door fixed.
My wife is turning 32 soon and I told her not to get her hopes up... “After all, the celebration is only going to last half a minute.”
Confused, she asked, “What are you talking about?”
I said, “It’s your thirty-second birthday.”