I got angry with the mime that lived next door to me.
To get even I played a blank CD over and over.
That drove him crazy.
My wife calls me handsome...
Every payday she says to me, "Hand some over!"
My wife opened her first checking account and went out purchasing things for the house.
After a couple weeks the bank called her and told her she was out of funds.
In total shock, my wife exclaimed, "How can I be out of money when I've got all these checks left?"
Husband: Honey, it looks like I'm not going to make it so I want to get something off my chest.
Wife: What is it dear?
Husband: I've been having an affair with your best friend, Julia, for the past year.
Wife: Oh yes. I know all about it.
Husband: You do!
Wife: Yes dear, Why do you think I poisoned you.