I was just on the phone with a company that said I won my choice of either $500 or tickets to see an Elvis Presley tribute band...
I had to press 1 for the money or 2 for the show!
My wife kicked me out because of my awful Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions.
But don’t worry...
I’ll return!
What is a social drinker?
If someone says, "I'll have a beer please," a social drinker always replies, "Social I!”
What happened when a man ordered a double?
The barman brought out someone that looked just like him.