Q: How do you make a goldfish old?

A: Take away the g!

A cowboy adopted a dachshund...

... So he could get a long little doggie.

One day a large number of forest animals were watching two skunks having a knock-down, drag-out argument.

The argument was pretty even, so they each turned their backs on the other and let go with their odor, spraying each other.

An old bear standing on the side said, “I guess they each had to get in their two scents worth.”

A land surveyor was tasked with mapping a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes. He needed a stout machete to clear thick brush as he went on. Along the way, he came upon a golf club that an irate player must have hurled into the woods. It was in good condition, so he picked it up and continued on.

When he broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at him in awe. After all, he had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind him was a clear-cut swath leading out of the woods.

"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who really hates to lose a ball!"