Needing to shed a few pounds, my wife and I went on a diet that had specific recipes for each meal of the day. We followed the instructions closely, dividing the finished recipe in half for our individual plates. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderful -- we never even felt hungry!

But soon we realized we were gaining weight, not losing it. Checking the recipes again, we found it. There in the not-so-fine, fine print, was the answer: "Serving Size: 6."

Question... What is in the middle of nowhere?

Answer... The letter 'h'.

What has feet, legs, but nothing else?

Pantyhose!

A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks.

"120," the woman says. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 150.

The nurse asks, "Your height?"

"5 feet, 8 inches," she says. The nurse checks and sees that she measures only 5 feet, 5 inches.

She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" she screams. "When I came in here, I was tall and slender, and now I'm short and fat!"