Q: What kind of room has no windows or doors?

A: A mushroom.

Q: What kind of coat can be put on only when wet?

A: A coat of paint.

I woke up in the hospital emergency ward. The intern came over and asked me if I knew what happen to bring me to the hospital. I explained, "Well, I was playing golf with my wife. I had been having a great game but unfortunately she was not.

On the 15th tee I hit a beautiful shot, 270 yards straight down the fairway. My wife steps up and hits a tremendous slice that leaves the course and lands in the pasture out of bounds.

We both went looking for the ball. Just as we were about to give up I spotted a glint of white coming from a cow's behind, just under its tail. I lifted the tail to make sure. Then I called to my wife saying, “Here, honey, this looks like yours.”

“That was the last thing I remember.”

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy, while holding out her hand.

"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.

"Johnny, I have been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"