An old woman goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse she has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Perhaps, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

The old woman says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

How can you tell when the nursery employees are most excited about spring?

When they wet their plants.

At my age, rolling out of bed in the morning is easy...

Getting up off the floor is another story.

A patient complained to his doctor, “I’ve been to three other physicians, and none of them agreed with your diagnosis.”

The doctor calmly replied, “Just wait until the autopsy. Then we will see who was right."