I've had bad luck with both my wives.
The first one left me...
The second one didn't!
When a man steals your wife...
There is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.''
The woman replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?''
The man replied, ''No, I'm turning the heat off.''
Nearly 100% of all deaths occur on Earth...
That makes it the deadliest planet in the Solar System.