Nutritionist: You should eat 1200 calories a day.
Me: OK, and how many at night?
“Will marry me?”
“No.”
2 hours of uncomfortable silence in the hot air balloon.
A lady walked into a dentist's office and exclaimed, "I don't know which is worse, having a root canal or having a baby!"
The dentist replied, "Well make up your mind, so I know how to tilt the chair."
I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and look around.
They said no and slammed the door in my face!
Parents can be real jerks.