The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.
She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?"
He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
Lately my wife looks at me like I’m just a piece of meat...
And it wouldn’t bother me if she wasn’t a vegan.
My teenage son asked me if I ever fell in love with a high school teacher.
"In fact, I did. She was gorgeous! I couldn't take my eyes off of her... I dreamt of a life together with her day and night."
"Wow! What happened with that, dad?" he excitedly asked.
"Your mom moved you to another school."