Chris and Paul were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.
"What's the matter?" asked Chris of his buddy. "You look kind of down."
"My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin."
"Why's that?"
"Because it's brief, unexpected and usually a disaster."
I didn't know being sick was a contest...
Until I got married.
An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500."
He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn.
A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200."
After you've been with someone for awhile, you wind up with your own way of communicating. For example, the other day April hollered at me, "What are you looking for in that closet?"
"Nothing!" I hollered back.
"Well," she shouted, "it's not in there! Look under the bed!"