An inebriated crook had a little problem and ended up at the police station.
“Couldn’t you get that crook to confess to the crime?” asked the police chief.
“We tried everything, Sir. We browbeat and badgered him wit every question we could think of.”
“How did he respond?
He just dozed off and said now and then: “Yes, Dear. You are perfectly right.”

“Hello, police department? I’ve lost my cat and… "

“I'm sorry lady, but this is not a police job, you can try calling…"

“But you don’t understand, this is a very intelligent cat. He is almost human. He can practically talk.”

“Well, in that case ma'am, you’d better hang up. He may be trying to call you right now.”

A rancher asked his veterinarian for some free advice. “I have a horse that walks normally sometimes, and sometimes he limps. What shall I do?”
The Vet replied, “The next time he walks normally, sell him.”

Wife: I dreamed you gave me $500 for summer clothes last night. You would not spoil that dream, would you, Dear?
Husband: Of course not, Darling. You may keep the $500.00