Heading into the jungle on his first safari, the American visitor was confident he could handle any emergency. He sidled up to the experienced native guide and said smugly. “I know that carrying a torch will keep lions away.” “True,” the guide replied. “But it depends on how fast you carry the torch

From a passenger ship one can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving is hands. He gets more and more animated with each passing moment.

"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.

"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes mad like that."

Two explorers, camped in the heart of the African jungle, were discussing their expedition. “I came here,” said one, “because the urge to travel was in my blood. City life bored me, and the smell of exhaust fumes on the highways made me sick. I wanted to see the sunrise over new horizons and hear the flutter of birds that never had been seen by man. I wanted to leave my footprints on sand unmarked before I came. In short, I wanted to see nature in the raw. What about you?” “I came,” the second man replied, “because my son was taking saxophone lessons.”

I called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room. The clerk told me that the rates depended on room size and number of people.

"Do you take children?" I asked.

"No, sir... nor checks!" replied the clerk. "Cash and credit only."