What do you call a yard that crossed the road? A crossing yard.
What cools down as it heats up? An air conditioner.
What kind of phone does a turtle have? A shell-ular phone.

What do you call a yard that crossed the road? A crossing yard.
What cools down as it heats up? An air conditioner.
What kind of phone does a turtle have? A shell-ular phone.

One morning the lion is feeling especially ferocious. He saunters over to a monkey swinging in a tree and roars, "Who's the king of this jungle?" The monkey scampers down from the tree, bows to the lion and stammered, "Wh..wh...why you are Mr. Lion."
A few minutes later, the lion comes across a warthog. He stops in front of the animal and asks, "Who's the baddest dude in this jungle?"
The warthog hid his face in the dirt and whispered, "You're the baddest, King Lion."
This continues all morning long with animal after animal bowing and scraping to the lion. Finally the lion comes across an 80-year-old bull elephant. He bellows at the elephant, "Who's the king of this jungle? Who owns this place?"
With that the elephant wrapped his trunk around the lion's belly. He raised the lion 12 feet in the air and slammed his head against the ground. After that he slammed the lion into a tree on the right and then into another tree on the left. Finally, the elephant swung his trunk and threw the lion 35 feet away where the lion landed in a thorn bush.
As the elephant lumbered down the trail the lion shook his paw and shouted, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get an attitude!"

A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured that if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally laid.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."