The coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?"

"Yes, coach", replied the boy.
"Do you understand that what matters is we win or lose as a team?"

The boy nodded in agreement. The coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him insulting names. Do you understand all that?"

Again, the boy nodded yes. The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach dumb, or stupid, or worse, is it?"

"No, coach."

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your Grandmother."

A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, one with only himself in it. He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering it, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it. A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man, "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got the results back this morning. I'm afraid you have Avain flu, Ebola, and you're positive for HIV and hepatitis."

Stunned, the man asks, "Well, what's next!? What are you going to do?"

The doctor replies, "Well, for starters, we're putting you on a strict diet of only pizza."

"Will that really help me, doctor?"

"No", the doctor begins, "but it's all we can fit under the the door."

Pinkie Pinkerton lived in a pink one story house on Pink Street. The walls were pink, the roof was pink, the carpet was pink, the flowers were pink, the pictures were pink, the furniture was pink, the bathroom was pink, her stuff was pink, the yard was pink, even her cat was pink. EVERYTHING was pink. So what color were the stairs in Pinkie Pinkerton's house?

A little boy goes to the doctor and tells him, "I'm smart Doc!"

The doctor says, "Really?" He then points to the boys foot and says, "What's that?"

"That's my foot."

"Very good," says the Doc. "What's that?" he asks, pointing to the boys knee.

"That's my knee."

"Excellent."

"Now, what's that?" he asks, pointing to the boys elbow.

"My elbow."

"Wow. How do you know all this stuff?"

" Kidneys Doc, kidneys," the boy says touching his head.