Why does a room full of married people look so empty?
Because there's not a single person in it.
Little Johnny turns up late for school one day and his teacher asks why.
Little Johnny responds, "It's snowing heavily outside, so every time I took one step forward, I slipped two steps back."
"Well, how did you make it to school then?"
Little Johnny sighs, "I got fed up, so I turned to go home."
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I did not know you could YODEL!
Where do you find giant snails?
At the end of a giant's fingers.