Did you know Mortal Kombat is based on an old Scandinavian church song?

It’s a Finnish hymn.

A lumberjack once told me he's cut down 27,572 trees.

"How do you know exactly how many" I replied.

“Easy, I keep a log..."

A bishop, a judge, and a conductor were discussing their careers and got into an argument about which of them was the greatest.

The judge said, "When I step into the courtroom, everyone stands to pay me respect."

The bishop said, "They stand? I have people kneel before me and kiss my ring."

To which the conductor replied, "Ha! I got you both beat. When I step on the podium people look down, cover their eyes, and say 'Oh my God!'"

Justice is a dish best served cold...

If it were served warm, it would be justwater.