relationship jokes

Two women met in heaven who were previous acquaintances on earth.

One said, "I can't believe you're here so soon what happened?"

She exclaimed, "I froze to death!"

The other said, "That's terrible how'd it happen?"

"Well I started shivering uncontrollably, fell asleep and here I am!" Then she asked how her friend died.

She exclaimed "I had a heart attack! I came home to find my husband sitting in his lazy chair and I just knew it was cheating on me so I ran around the house looking everywhere for another woman I looked in the basement looked in the attic look behind the shower curtain in the bathroom and I ran myself into a frenzy and collapsed of a heart attack.

Finally her friend replied "If you would have just look in the freezer we both still be alive!'.

Jeff had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?"

"No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jeff. "When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get out."

"Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father.

"Oh boy, Dad, did I got it all wrong," Jeff groaned. "I said, 'My dear, you have a face that would stop a clock!'"

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"

Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."