relationship jokes
Favorite this joke Wanting to have a quick love-making session, the couple told their 8-year-old son to go stand on the balcony with a popsicle and to report to them all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into action.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. A few moments passed.
"An ambulance just drove by." A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike."
A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving... and Jason is on his skate board." A few more moments, "The Coopers are having sex."
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they are having sex?"
"Because Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a popsicle too."
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
Man: "Hello."
Woman: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club"?
Man: "Yes."
Woman: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it okay if I buy it"?
Man: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
Woman: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2016 models. I saw one that I really liked."
Man: "How much"?
Woman: "$90,000."
Man: "Okay, but for that price, I want it with all the options."
Woman: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
Man: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It's really a pretty good price."
Woman: "Okay. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
Man: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.
He smiles and asks, "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
A couple were on vacation in Colorado. They flew to Denver and rented a car to sight see. One of the sights was a bridge that was more than 1,000 feet above the river. Walking out onto the bridge, they noticed it swaying in the wind.
"I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," one said to the other.
"What are you worried about?" the second replied. "It's a rental."
Jim, a fireman came home from work one day and told Barb, his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the firestation.
Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets
Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the poll
Bell 3 rings and we're on the fire truck ready to go.
From now on when I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, i want you to jump in bed. And when I say Bell 3, we are going to make love all night."
The next night Jim came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" Barb promptly took all her clothes off. When Jim yelled, "Bell 2!" Barb jumped into bed. When Jim yelled, "Bell 3!" they began making love.
After a few minutes Barb yelled, "Bell 4!"
"What the hell is Bell 4?" asked Jim.
"Roll out more hose!", Barb replied, "You're nowhere near the fire!!"
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