Best Jokes

- If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!

- To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

- If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".

- Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

- To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

- To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

As he paid for our meal with a gift card, my husband noticed the bill was more than the card was worth, so he handed our waiter his debit card to cover the balance.

"Wow, some people might have skipped out and stuck me with the difference," the waiter said. "Thank you for being so honest."

Then, as he took the card, he asked, "Could I see some ID?"

A physician had just finished up a colonoscopy.

Before the patient leaves, he asks the physician, "Could you write a note for my wife, saying that my head isn't really up there?"