Best Jokes

If cats wore t-shirts, here is what they might say...

"Purrfection cannot be improved."

"If you don't like my attitude, you should see my cat."

"Menopaws, This is the hottest I've been in years."

"Take my advice. I'm not using it."

"I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?"

"Cats know how we feel. They don't care, but they know."

"Dogs have owners. Cats have staff."

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. They have never forgotten this."

I'm really ticked that my handmade replica of the Norse god of thunder didn't win top prize at the Medieval Art and Statue Convention.

I guess that makes me a Thor loser.

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance.

"That is a very smart dog," the man commented.

"Not really," said one of the irked players. "Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."

Little Johnny asked his dad, "What do you do when you put one foot on the boat and the other on the dock?"

"Swim," replied his dad. "You fall in, and then you swim."