Best Jokes

His girlfriend had just learned to drive the car and now they were out in the suburbs racing along over seventy. “Doesn’t speeding over the beautiful country make you glad you are alive?” she asked.
“Glad?” He raised an eyebrow. “Glad in not the word for it. I’m amazed.”

The girl’s car couldn’t get started and traffic was tied up for blocks. The light turned green, then yellow, then red. “Whatsa madda, miss,” shouted the officer. “Don’t you like any of our colors?”

Did you water the plants, Sofia, asked the mistress of the house?
“Of course, ma’am,” Sofia said. “Don’t you hear the water dripping on the carpet?”

Tim asked Bob “What happened to your uncle’s boat?”
“Ever notice that big rock at the entrance to the Golden Gate?” said Bob.
“Yes, I have” replied Tim.
“Well, he didn’t” said Bob.