Best Jokes

Q. What’s a definition of mixed Emotions?
A. Seeing your mother in-law backing over a cliff in your new car.

Teacher: If you had 20p in one trouser pocket and 60p in the other, what do you have?
Pupil: Someone else’s trousers, miss.

A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be
testing the speaker system to make sure it will work
properly in case of emergency."

All our confidence in this safety precaution faded when the
voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement,
please contact us."

One cold winter day on lake Erie, two guys were fishing about 20 feet apart through the ice.
One guy wasn't having any luck. The other guy was pulling out fish every time he put his line in the water.
This made the other guy curious. "Hey," he yelled to the other, "what are you using for bait??"
The other guy yelled back, "Mfff Mfff Ogghh Mfft Offt Berr Wttt"
The one guy was very puzzled and said, "WHAT?"
And again the other guy yelled back, "Mfff Mfff Ogghh Mfft Offt Berr Wttt"
Finally the guy had to know what the other guy was saying so he got up and walk over to him and said, "What the hell did you say?"
And then the guy spit something into his hands and said, "You have to keep your bait warm"