Best Jokes

One day a string was walking down the street. He was really thirsty and decided to get a drink at a nearby bar. So he walks up to the bar tender and says, "I'd like a beer, please." The bartender looks at him like he's crazy and says, "I can't serve you, you're a string. Go on. Get out of here." So the string goes outside and thinks of a way to look more like a person. He knots himself toward the top and frays the string to look like a head with hair. He goes back inside and tries again. The bartender says suspiciously, "Hey, aren't you the string that was just in here a few minutes ago?" The string replies, "I'm afraid not!"
(I'm a frayed knot

Why was the cat afraid of the tree?

Because of the tree bark.

One day a woman watching the news saw this lady talking about a car driving on the wrong side of the road during rush hour. The woman realized her husband was driving on that same road! She ran to her phone to call him and tell him what she had seen on the news. When she got a hold of him he replied, “yes there are a lot of them on the wrong the wrong side..."

What goes up and never comes down?
Your age

1 egg takes 5 minutes to boil. How long does 10 eggs take to boil?
The same 5 minutes.

How many times does a tailor have to cut 100 yards of cloth to get 100 equal pieces?
99 times. You don’t cut the last piece, it is already there

What side of the teacup is the handle on?
I really don't know the answer

Which is heavier? 1 pound of hay or 1pound of metal. Which is heavier?
They both weigh a pound

Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers, Peter piper picked. If Peter piper picked a peck of pickled peckers, how many peckers did Peter piper picked? How many Ps are there in THAT?
None...H...A...T.....there are NO P's in the word THAT

What has 100 eyes and cannot see?
A potato

Two Indians standing on a bridge. One is the father of the other ones son. What is the relation between the two Indians?
Mother and Father

What has NO legs and CAN run?
Water