Best Jokes

“It’s no good, sir,” said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher, ‘I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other.”
“Goes in both ears and out the other?” asked the puzzled teacher, “but you only have two ears, son.”
“You see, sir,” I’m no good at math, either!”

The teacher was warning the class about the dangers of going to in cold weather insufficiently clad. “There was one a boy,” he said, “who was so eager to go out and play with his sled that he didn’t put a coat or scarf on; he caught a chill, the chill led to pneumonia and he died!”

The teacher paused to allow the moral of this story to sink in, when a small voice said, “What happened to the sled ….?”

Guy: Do you have a map?
Girl: No, why do you ask?
Guy: Because I think I just got lost in your eyes.

A Man rushed into a doctor's office, jumped on his back, and started screaming, "One! Two! Three! Four!" "Wait a minute!" yelled the doctor, trying to get free. “What do you think you're doing?" The man said, "Well doctor, they did say I could count on you!"