Best Jokes

The Smartest Dog Ever

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.

As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap! - Against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.

The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"

The owner responds, "Genius, no way! It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

If you were from Mc Donalds, I would call you McBeautiful.

Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear?
A. Because every time she got hot, he'd beat her with a shovel!

Two grapes go on a date. At the end of the date the boy grape took the girl grape home gave her a kiss and told her that it was their only date. She started to cry and when he asked her if she was ok. She said, "No, I'm crushed!"