Best Jokes

Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, “You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.”
The man thought for a moment. “What are peers?” he asked.
“They’re people just like you – your equals.”
“Forget it,” retorted the defendant. “I don’t want to be tried by a bunch of thieves.”

"Your Honor,” began the defense attorney, “my client has been characterized as an incorrigible bank robber, without a single socially redeeming feature. I intend to disprove that.”

“And how will you accomplish this?” the judge inquired.

“By proving beyond a shadow of a doubt,” replied the lawyer, “that the note my client handed the teller was on recycled paper.”

Don had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his boss for two more weeks off to get married.
“What!” shouted the boss. “I can’t give you more time now. Whey didn’t you get married while you were off?”
“Are you nuts?” replied Don. “That would have ruined my entire vacation!”

"How is your new job at the factory?” one guy asked another.

“I’m not going back there.”

"Why not?”

“For many reasons,” he answered. “The sloppiness, the shoddy workmanship, the awful language – they just couldn’t put up with it."