Best Jokes

The parents of a difficult boy were discussing what to give him for a birthday present. The mother said, “Let’s buy him a bicycle.”
“Well,” said the father, “maybe – but do you think it will improve his behavior?”
“Probably not,” said the mother, “but it will spread it over a wider area.”

A burglar enters a house in the middle of the night. He was interrupted when the owner awoke. Drawing hi gun, the burglar said, “Don’t move or I’ll shoot. I’m hunting for your money.” “Let me turn on the light,” replied the victim, “and I’ll hunt with you”

A teacher sees a lad entering the classroom – his hands were dirty.
She stopped him and said, “John, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?”

Smiling the boy replied, “I think I’d be too polite to mention it.”

A candidate for city council was doing some door-to-door campaigning, and things were going pretty well, he thought, till he came to the house of a grouchy-looking fellow. After the candidate’s little speech, the fellow said, “Vote for you? Why I’d rather vote for the Devil!”
“I understand,” said the candidate, “but in case your friend is not running, may I count on your support?”