Best Jokes

What did the conductor say when asked to play "The Messiah"?

"I don't think my orchestra can Handel it."

A man had just bought a parrot at an auction after some very spirited bidding.

"I suppose that bird talks?" he said to the auctioneer.

"Talks!" was the reply. "Who do you think was bidding against you?"

After a vigorous workout at a local health club, Joe was finishing up his post workout shower and shave. As he was he finishing up his shave, Joe answered the cell phone after 5 rings.

He said into the phone, "I would go with the Lexus SUV rather than the KIA sedan... I think you should also go with the leather instead of the cloth interior... You asked about the 14 inch wheels vs. the 16 inch, I would go with the 16 inch... And power seats and all other power features and options... As to the color, you should pick what you like."

He then hung up the cell phone. After another minute he picked up the cell phone again and said in a loud voice so even the guys still in the shower could hear him, "HEY, DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHOSE CELL PHONE THIS IS?"