Latest Jokes

Johnny, a farmer's son, was having lots of trouble in getting dates. He asked his best friend for some pointers.

The first thing you have to do is to do something to attract her his friend advised. So Johnny went home and hugged his John Deere.

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting on his coat.

His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."

She says, "Why, are you sick?"

He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on her coat.

He says, "Where the hell are you going"?

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."

He says, "Why, what do you need?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

A millionaire, a hard hat, and an old drunk are at a bar. When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug.

The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then proceeds to sip it.

The hard hat spills out just enough to get rid of the fly and quaffs the rest.

It's now the old drunk's turn. He sticks his hand into the beer, grabs the fly by the wings, and shouts, "Spit it out! Spit it out!"