Latest Jokes

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it?

"Heavens no, we bought it."

"Then why don't you drive it away."

"We can't drive."

"Then why did you buy it?"

"We were told that if we bought a car here we'd get screwed ...so we're just waiting."

On the church newsletter were these instructions -

Hold this paper close to your nose and breath deeply. If the sheet turns green, you need to see a doctor. If it turns blue see your dentist. If it turns red see your bank manager. If it turns black, you need to check your will, so see your lawyer immediately. If, however, it does not change color then there is nothing wrong with you, and there is 'no' reason why you shouldn't be in church next week.

Grandpa and Grandma were living with their son and daughter-in-law. Grandpa noticed that his son had a bottle of Viagra and asked if he could have one.

His son said, "Dad, I don't think you should take one, they're very strong and expensive."

Grandpa said, "I know, but I want to try one. How much are they?"

His son replied, "$30 each."

Grandpa only had a $50 bill but was going to the bank. He told his son that he would leave $30 under his pillow that night.

The next morning his son found $130 under his pillow and said, "Dad, I told you it was only $30. There's $130 under my pillow!"

Grandpa said, "That's ok, the other $100 is from Grandma!"