Latest Jokes

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.

"And what will your third wish be?"

The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"

"You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left."

"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads."

"Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"

Three hunters were walking in the woods one night when they came across a set of tracks.

"Those are bear tracks." The first hunter said.

"Those are deer tracks." The second hunter said.

"No, they're fox tracks. The third hunter argued.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Q: Why did the fungi leave the party?

A: There wasn't mushroom.

This guy who is down and out on his luck finally gets a job at a funeral parlor, The boss tells him he will receive huge incentives if he digs out and bring back all the expensive coffins after every burial they conduct, He does very well at this until he's stopped one evening at a roadblock with a coffin full of mud. The officer asks him where is he going with this coffin and calls for backup.

The guy responds calmly, "Officer, I don't like the place they buried me, so I'm moving elsewhere."