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Favorite this joke Two brothers, Ralph and Dexter, had the same routine every Sunday morning. They would each grab a 12 pack of their favorite brew and head out for a day of hunting.
They had their special field that they went to every time, but for the past few weeks their spot was really slow. They sat in their field for hours without seeing a single bird. They finished their beers and were getting very bored. So they finally decided that it was time to find a new spot.
So Ralph and Dexter stumbled through the fields laughing and carrying on until they saw this field behind an old farmhouse just full of geese. The brothers new that they would have to get permission to hunt on this farmer's land so they used paper, rock, scissors to decide who would be the one to ask.
Dexter lost and headed up to the house to ask, while Ralph waited behind. When Dexter got up to the house the farmer said it was fine for the boys to hunt, but he had a favor to ask of Dexter before they started hunting. The farmer said,
"my prize mare is very ill and must be put down and I don't have the heart to do it. Since you are here do you think that you could do the job for me?"
For the opportunity to hunt in the field Dexter said that it would be no problem. So he thanked the farmer and headed to the barn.
Ralph came running behind Dexter to see what the farmer had said. Dexter had a pretty good buzz going and thought that he would play a joke on his young, naive little brother and said,
"That farmer won't let us hunt in his field so I'm gonna teach him a lesson."
"What are ya gonna do Dexter?" asked Ralph.
"I'm gonna shoot one of his horses.", Dexter replied.
So Dexter walked into the barn, took aim and "BANG", shot the horse.
Suddenly Dexter hears a loud "BANG! BANG!
"Let's get out of here Dexter!" Ralph Screams. "I just shot two more!"
Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died.
The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the eulogy, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.
He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He opened the note, and read, "Please step to your left -- you're standing on my oxygen tube!"
So every morning a husband would wake up in the morning and pass gas really loud. The wife told him one day if you keep that up you are going fart out your guts.
The husband said no way it is impossible. Well this went on for along time.
Finally the wife was cooking Thanksgiving dinner and while she was taking all the guts out of the bird she had an Idea. She sneaked in there bedroom and stuffed all the turkey guts in his underwear.
The next morning she heard him wake up and fart really loud. After that it was quiet for some time.
Then her hubby came down and said, "You where right I did fart out my guts. But thank goodness I was able stuff them all back in!"
A guy walks into a bar and asks, "Who owns that Doberman tied up outside?"
A man replies, "That's my dog".
"Well," says the first man, "I think my Chihuahua killed him."
"Your CHIHUAHUA killed my Doberman?"
"How'd he do that?" asks the man at the bar.
"I'm not sure. I think he got lodged in his throat".
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