Latest Jokes

A couple went to the psychiatrist with their twins, as they seemed to be completely opposite. The doctor noted that one was a Pessimist and one was an optimist.

He put the pessimist in a room filled with new toys. He then, put the optimist in a room full of horse poop.

After a period of time, they looked into the pessimist's room and he was stepping on and breaking all the toys, saying, "I don't like these....none of them!"

They went to the optimist's room that was full of manure, about chest deep and found the little boy yelling, "Whee! Whee!", and throwing handfuls of manure up in the air.

They asked him why he was doing that and he replied, "With all this horse poop in here, there's bound to be a pony somewhere!"

Preventive Medicine Belief:

Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.

Doctor: Oh, really?

Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.

Doctor: Your tonsils have to come out.

Patient: I wanna second opinion.

Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a
worm first into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It
writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.

"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor
asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."