Favorite this joke I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.
The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple.
If you use the short form, the government gets your money.
If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.
The fist knocking on the door belonged to a cop. Bracing for the worst, the yard foreman opened the door.
"Is that yours?" asked the officer, pointing to a company van that was jutting out into the narrow street.
"Uhh, yes it is," said the foreman. "That is, it's our company's."
"Would you mind moving it?" asked the officer. "We've set up a speed trap, and the van's causing everyone to slow down."
The after-dinner speaker just didn't have a Stop button. He burbled on and on and on, oblivious to his increasingly restless audience. Finally one of the more drunken diners hurled an empty wine bottle at him. It missed, and hit the Chairman instead.
As the Chairman slid slowly to the floor clutching his head, he was heard to murmur, "Hit me again, I can still hear him."
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