A wife told her husband that he put football before their marriage.
“That’s not true,” he said. “After all, this is our fourth season together.”
An airplane was experiencing engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers return to their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around handing out business cards.”
Attorney: “She had three children, right?”
Witness: “Yes.”
Attorney: “How many were boys?”
Witness: “None.”
Attorney: “Were there any girls?”
Witness: “Your honor... I think I need a different attorney!"
A lawyer was talking to his teenage son about his future career. “Why do you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?” he asked. “What’s wrong with lawyers?”
“Well, Dad,” explained the boy, “I really want to help people. And when was the last time you heard anybody stand up in a crowd and shout frantically, ‘Is there a lawyer in the house?’”