A woman had been selling waterbeds for almost four years, and thought she had heard every question imaginable. But then a customer asked, "Can you deliver it filled with water?"

Stunned, the woman replied, "Are you kidding? It would weigh over twelve hundred pounds!"

After a short pause, the customer responded, "Could you do it if I helped you carry it in?"

Sitting in the bar George asks his 40-year-old friend John, "How come you aren't married?"

John replies, "I haven't found the right woman yet."

"So what are you looking for?"

"Oh, she's got to be real pretty, a good cook, and house keeper. She's got to know how to handle money, have a nice and pleasant personality, and money. She's got to have money. And a nice big house wouldn't hurt either."

"A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!" says George.

"Oh, it's okay, if she is crazy."

Last night I was relaxing on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen: "Oh sweetheart, what would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"

I said, "Thank you, darling. I think I'll have chicken."

She replied, "You're havin' a peanut butter sandwich. I was talkin' to the dog!"

If memory serves me right...

Well, it would be the first time.