Q: What kind of rocks are on the bottom of the Mississippi River?

A: Wet rocks.

I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor told me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak.

The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure."

"You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "please continue."

"Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?"

At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldplate, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.

"Mr. Goldplate," announced little Joey, "there's something' I can't figure out."

"What is that Joey?" asked Goldplate.

"Well according to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?"

"Right."

"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"

"Er--right."

"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"

"Again you are right."

"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something' important, right?"

"All that is right, too," agreed Goldplate. "So what is your question?"

"What I want to know is this," demanded Joey. "What were all the grownups doing?”

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I am going to my mothers."

I opened the fridge. The light came on, the beer was cold.

I can't figure out what she's talking about?