GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they are sure you are not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: a women whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

Baloney \ba-lo’-ne\: Where some hemlines fall.

Banquet \bang’-kwit\: Why the vocalist had no instrumentalists.

Bernadette \burn’-a-det\: The act of torching a mortgage.

Boomerang \boo’-me-rang\: What’s on top of the Ghost Cream Pie.

Arbitrator \ar’-bi-tra’-ter\: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s

Archives \ar’-kivs\: What Noah kept the bees in.

Avoidable \a-void’-a-ble\: What a bullfighter tries to do.

You Know You’ve Had Too Much Coffee When...

- You ski uphill.

- You get a speeding ticket even when you are parked.

- You speed walk in your sleep.

- You answer the door before people knock.