Did you know drinking beer makes you smarter?
I know it does because it made Bud Wiser!
Two old ladies meet for the first time since they left school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school, did you manage to live a well-planned life?"
"Oh yes," said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire, my second to an actor, third to a preacher and I'm now married to an undertaker."
Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well-planned life?"
"One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go!"
What did Santa say when Mrs. Claus asked what the weather was going to be like on Christmas Day?
He said, "Rain, Dear."