Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Philosophy is wondering if a Bloody Mary counts as a smoothie.
Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, you are allowed one wish for anyone you left behind, back on earth.
St. Peter explained this to a woman who had just recently arrived, and asked what her one wish would be.
"Well, I just wish my son would get married and be happy."
"Look lady, it's just one wish; make up your mind!"
I just want you to know that if I win the Powerball tonight, it won't change me.
It will change my phone number, my email address, my mailing address...
93% of dog owners are convinced their dogs can smile.
The 7% who don't are afraid if they do smile, they may need braces.